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My Two Cents

I’m Tyler, and this is my 2 cents.

The subject today is sports.

If you weren’t chugging on a Budweiser and watching Nascar Sunday (I’m going to need a round of wedge, 2 right side tires, and a trackbar adjustment), you were probably sitting on your couch watching the PGA Championship, waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….wait what happened. Oh yeah, you were waiting for Tiger Woods to make his move.   He didn’t win.  And the most over-quoted stat of the weekend: Woods was previously 14 of 14 after leading the first three rounds.

Was anybody else tired of hearing all the CBS announcers create a fantasy world in which Tiger Woods would pull out the The Triforce of Power and suddenly magic his way to another Wanamaker.  It was as if there is a clause in Jim Nance’s contract that says: Section 48c, “Wherein a situation may occur when Tiger Woods is behind in a Major Tournament, in such a situation, the aforementioned  will by no means demonstrate any weakness of said participant verbally, visually, or in writing without express written consent from the PGA.”

I can just hear Jim Nance saying: “We all know what Tiger is capable of.  At any moment he could pull it out.  We’ve seen his Sunday magic in the past.  Surely he has something hidden up his sleeve today.”

Tiger didn’t lose because of the knee surgery.  He didn’t lose because he cracked under pressure.  He lost because it took him 33 putts on 18 holes.  That’s almost 2 putts on every hole…if you couldn’t do the math.  He also bogeyed two par 3s.  You don’t bogey Par 3s and win championships.  On Sunday, it was like Tiger ran into a Goomba and lost his fireball, he lost a 1 Up chasing a green mushroom down a hole, and then was offed by Bullet Bill.

Tiger is having a great year.  He won the pre-slam Slam by winning all the tournaments before the Majors.  He just needs to leave his mini-golf putter at home, or like Roy McAvoy, he needs to play an entire round with his 7 Iron.  *Snap* Give me another ball!  I’d love to see Cheech Marin as Tiger’s caddy.

Golf is based on Tiger Woods like time is based on Jesus, and so anything that happens now is BT  and AT, which sounds silly but watch a replay of the tournament Sunday, and you’ll hear a messianic tone in the announcers voices.  It’s like getting 10 years worth of comedies from Jim Carrey and then the Number 23.  What?  Jim Carrey is being serious.  This was Tiger’s Number 23 year.  He won a lot of tournaments, will probably win some more, he will be player of the year, and he will probably win the Fed Ex Cup.  And yet like Jim Carrey in a Drama, it just doesn’t sit right with us.  Extended metaphor over.  And now back to your regularly scheduled programming, already in progress.

By the way congratulations to Y.E. Yang, who shot a 2 under 70 with an unbelievable pitch for birdie on 14.  Second most over-quoted stat of the weekend: “Yang is trying to become the first Asian born player to win a Major tournament.”  It was an interesting tidbit the first 20 times, then after that it was overkill.  It wasn’t a miracle that he won–he just played a better round than Tiger.  And you could tell he was having a good time and that he wasn’t “feeling the pressure” the way CBS had it scripted.  If you couldn’t already tell I have issues with CBS announcers.  For a while I blacked out and was dreaming that Billy Packer was back announcing the NCAA Tounrament and trashing every ACC team other than Wake Forest.  “I don’t know why Roy Williams doesn’t go to a zone here.”  Then I woke up in horror as I realized what was happening in my REM cycle.

It was a good tournament, and I appreciate how golf has more of an international flavor (it always has, but now we have to pay attention as more international players are in contention for and winning majors).  I’m interested to see how golf will pan out in the 2016 olympics.

I’m Tyler and this was my 2 cents

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